Text: John 20:19-31
I began this Sunday by identifying who had missed last Sunday, or Out of the Cold now ended, or the congregation’s curling party the day before, or my own trip to Manhattan, taunting them:
You had to be there, or you wouldn’t understand..
I don’t have words to describe it…
If you can’t explain it - if it must be experienced, or it can’t be communicated – then we have got a fundamental human problem of community. We will resort to huddling in our mutual isolation, fearful and inarticulate, unable to relate to different experiences of reality, unless with people just like us – as the circle shrinks of those who have ‘been there’ with us for everything that matters.
That’s not just our problem, in our time and place. It was the problem of whoever wrote the gospel we call ‘John’, at least 60 years after Jesus’ death. There were no more eyewitnesses, just hearsay twice removed, who knew someone who knew someone who had been there. If you had to be there, if we didn’t find words, then it was going to be over, even though it mattered.
Solutions to this issue of apostolic succession varied. ‘The Boys & The Book’ is what I called it in www.hereticslikeus.com in Lent, borrowing Elaine Pagels’ thesis in The Gnostic Gospels. You could say that God has stopped revealing godself, and you need an unbroken line of bishops to safeguard the hearsay chain, and an authoritative book to close the story. This approach won out in the end, over charismatic movements more friendly to women who claimed the authority of God still speaking, and over the Gnostic movements of expert elites with secret knowledge, or Ebionite communal poverty, or Jesus people, or God-fearers, or Paul’s friends or foes.
Simultaneously, Judaism was being reinvented into the rabbinic Judaism we know. The 2nd temple had been destroyed, and the old ways of sacrificial worship were over. The rabbis wrote midrash and Talmud, developed oral Torah and synagogue practices of kasrut. This movement was more successful than John’s, safer from Roman persecution, and as a favoured sibling, the object of strong jealous talk from John. When John complains about ‘the Jews’, we read that term aloud in our church as ‘the religious’, to better understand what the original meant.
We’re not satisfied with ‘you had to be there’, not willing to be isolated in pockets of shared experiences with other inarticulate people, afraid of ‘the other’. We are suspicious of authority, ‘The Boys and The Book’. We’re skeptical of Pentecostal claims of direct inspiration of the Spirit delivering powers to charismatic leaders. We resist exotic experts who claim to know secrets long hid from us, like investigative journalists or spies. We’re not signing up with the sectarians, or ready for the new evangelical reactions. We’re stuck in the middle, with John.
The generalizers, the idealizers, glib liberals who ‘boil it all down to basically the me thing’ look and sound most like us, and like John. But while John shares the language of rabbis and of Gnostics, he subverts with flesh and blood, and he ‘uses his words’ as we say to young children. This is a game of show and tell, and not simply of tell and lecture.
Last week, John’s version of the story had a lot of running, until Mary slowed down enough to meet Jesus again for the first time. But the other disciples ran away, and this week we pick up their story, huddled in a house, for fear of ‘the religious’. After all, ‘you had to be there’ – they couldn’t explain it – so they had to huddle with others who had shared the experience of Jesus, people like them, safe from the ‘others’. It was a temptation for the first disciples, and for John’s community 60 years later, and in turn for us, here and now.
You can run, but you can’t hide. God’s not dead. Jesus comes to them, where they are huddling and says “Peace be with you”. Their experience of meeting Jesus again is assuring them, reassuring them, enjoying them, not scaring them. “Peace be with you” and then get up and go –
as the God sent Jesus, so Jesus sends the disciples. Get out of this closed, locked room, as if you’d been given peace to share peace, given spirit to share spirit, forgiven in turn to forgive.
The disciples after Jesus’ death, John’s community 60 years later, and this community in our time and place, all seek assurance, reassurance, enjoyment without fear. We need to find words and find ways, to reach across the gaps between and among us, let alone reconciling in the world. That’s not just the ‘forgive and forget’ of the glib, but the hard work of naming sins and changing what’s wrong, confessing and repenting, in order to reconcile. What you forgive is forgiven – what you retain is retained. You don’t have to bless evil, or invite repeated wrongs.
How do we get past ‘you had to be there’? We don’t. God does. God gives us new experience, of assurance, reassurance, enjoyment, fearlessness. And we in turn are sent to share it. If you forgive, it is forgiven. If you don’t, well, it isn’t. God’s not saving the world without you. God needs you. That’s all there is to it. ‘You had to be there’? Show what a difference it made, in what you do in response, even if you don’t have words to explain it. Otherwise it’s too vague. Anything you can neither show nor tell – may not be worth huddling over.
John’s version of the story doesn’t end with that appearance. He just runs another narrative loop about ‘you had to be there’. Thomas, called the twin, had missed the show. He came back to the disciples, and they said ‘we have seen the Lord’. Instead of the whole crowd huddling, now they are taunting Thomas with what he missed, and how excited and inspired they all are. Thomas’ response is ‘Oh, yeah?’ I remember Jesus. Jesus was my friend. Last time I saw Jesus, he was bleeding on a cross. What’s all this elation and happiness? Show me the holes!
This may have been what happened to Thomas and the others. It certainly reflects what happened to people in John’s community 60 years later, and in ours. Sometimes it feels like the majority in a church share one experience that defines that congregation. Their assurance and joy appears to others to be so heavenly minded it is of no earthly good, as it they had their heads in the clouds and feet in the swamp, or like they have stared too long in the sun. We who are newly arrived or returned are tempted to say, like Thomas: show me the holes!
Thomas sets the test, the standard – that the risen Jesus appearing must be the same as the crucified one, holes and all, not simply a cheap thrill religious experience of bliss. John’s story continues, and tells us that a week later, again in the house, Jesus appeared to the disciples, this time including Thomas. “Peace be with you!” Put your finger in my hand, put your hand in my side, do not doubt but believe! Thomas gets a do-over. Thomas gets a replay. Jesus does not condemn the doubt, but addresses it. The opposite of faith is not doubt. Test the spirits, and use your mind! The opposite of faith is fear, not doubt. Jesus addressed the doubt, relieved the fear.
Some say the difference between faith and belief has to do with justification and proof. Faith, they say, demands a leap of faith, a suspension of disbelief. Belief, they say, is rational and justified. I don’t agree. I think that we are all construing, working on nets of beliefs, webs of working hypotheses. The issue for me is not knowledge and epistemological certainty, but of faithfulness, in action and reflection, in transformed lives, changed by religious experience and shared in religious community. A life of faith is a life of faithfulness, not one of knowing it all.
You had to be there, or you wouldn’t understand..
I don’t have words to describe it…
but I’ll show you how it matters
I’ve told you before that it’s hard for me, getting up in the morning. I set 4 alarms. After the first, I am up and dressed - in my head. After the second, I have finished breakfast, shaved and showered – in my mind. It takes repeated good intentions, and partial efforts to get me launched. Similarly, I confessed to you Sunday how many times I quit smoking in my mind, heroic and strong, except in practice. Then I asked you how Earth Hour went for you the night before: did you turn off all your power use? Just some lights? If God checked your meter, would you pass?
Faithfulness is about show and tell, a matter of doing, not just talking. It’s not just that I can’t put it in words, to describe the experience. It is also that you won’t believe it if I don’t show it. We expect one another to walk the walk, not just talk the talk – or at last to try to do a bit of both. The slogan on the fenders of York Regional Police cars puts it this way: “Deeds speak”. What do your deeds say about what you’ve been shown and given? It’s not about certainty, but more about character. Tennyson wrote “there lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds.” People respect an honest effort, more than an elaborate explanation!
We can talk of our loyalties, our values and our commitments, but without cost or price, what are such beliefs worth to us or to others? You can say you are committed to public services, to health, education, social welfare, and national programmes that distribute wealth and opportunity, but when you pay your taxes, you test your beliefs. And as you pay your taxes, you show what you really meant with your fine words about charity.
Last week in New York, I was struck by the level of talk about war in Iraq, both for and against. I showed you the New York Times, which publishes every time another 1,000 American soldiers die, the pictures of each one, without rank, just name, age, and hometown. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a thousand pictures are worth a million words.
Don’t just tell me what matters, and why. Show me, and demonstrate the cost and price, and I will see what matters. Apparently 4,000 young Americans have died, and over 250,000 young veterans are claiming disability pensions so far. In the face of patriotic talk as Thomas would say: show me the holes!
Jesus didn’t promise to show up on demand, a plastic Jesus on your dashboard, or Jesus in your back pocket on request, like a lucky rabbit’s foot. Thomas meets Jesus again for the first time, the same Jesus who bled on a cross, showing the holes, and Jesus says:
Blessed are those who have not seen
and yet have come to believe.”
We are a community which includes a few folks who would say that they have met their risen Lord, and treasure their spiritual experiences of revelation. But that is not the goal of their religion and faithfulness, nor of the rest of us, the majority, the ungifted who have not seen. We are all in the business of transformed lives, of sharing in action, not just knowing but doing, not just experiencing and enjoying but serving and suffering in our turn. ‘Living the Questions’ study groups share their doubts, Out of the Cold and school lunches and Handicapable programs share the assurances – we’re all working out this game of show and tell, the best we can.
This second part of John 20 finishes with a modest confession that ‘Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book’. John’s gospel does not claim to be an exhaustive account of all appearances, as if God’s revelation has ended, and we’re stuck with “The Boys and The Book”. Nor does John’s account promise us secret knowledge, beyond doubt, and available only to insiders and experts. Rather, John’s account admits it is partial, and incomplete, affirming our own limits and doubts. John’s account won’t let us off the hook of flesh and blood, and walking the walk, and showing as well as telling.
The lesson ends by naming its goal: this is written so that you may come to believe about Jesus. But not so that you get a cheap religious thrill, not so that you believe for the sake of knowing, but so that through believing, you may have life, in this name.
You had to be there, or you wouldn’t understand..
I don’t have words to describe it…
but I’ll show you how it matters
‘Doubting Thomas’ reminded John’s community, 60 years after Jesus’ death, and it reminds us today, that we don’t all get the same experience, that we are blessed with brains and doubts, but that our purpose is the same: to live to show how it matters. Go on, play some show and tell, even though it seems like you had to be there, and you don’t have words to describe it. Walk the walk, and live as if it mattered, and made a difference, and overcame your fears. So be it. Amen.
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